A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.
Bartender says, "Where in the world did you get that?"
Frog spoke up, "Would you believe it started out as a wart on my ass!!
Daddy, what are those two spiders doing,"
she asked? "They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top," she asked? "A Daddy Longlegs,"
her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs," the little girl asked?
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied,
"No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well," she said, "that may be OK in California, Washington and Colorado,
but we're not having any of that crap here in Texas."
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said,
"Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied,
"I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
A man has his car full of penguins.
He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him.
He says. "Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man does that.
The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins. Once again he drives past the policeman.
"Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did," replies the man. "We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
.
.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
