A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. OK, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
